Ham-ha! It’s been awhile since I wrote a blog post, so I decided to write about… why I haven’t written any posts lol.
I actually wrote a long blog post talking about toxic positivity and my aversion to talking about negative feelings… but I don’t think that the ending of the post was very satisfying because I’m not really sure what to do about it.
TL;DR I learned that toxic positivity isn’t just invalidating the feelings of others but it can also extend to invalidating oneself. I notice that I isolate myself when I experience difficult feelings because I don’t want to be a burden, and I don’t want others to see me suffer™. SUCH DRAMATIC WORDING but that’s my reality, I guess. Despite this being a personal blog, I don’t really like sharing super vulnerable thoughts publicly for all to see. I don’t even really like sharing them privately, and even admitting here that I’ve been struggling the past several months seems like a huge overshare. But the last thing I want to be on this blog is inauthentic… so I just chose not to post until now despite really wanting to. My hope in sharing this is that I will feel more comfortable posting even when I'm not feeling well.
—ANYWAY, I’m happy the cold months here are winding to a close. I'm sure this is hilarious for anyone who lives in a place already under the full force of Summer and at the mercy of the sun... or maybe at the mercy of your AC...? Sunshine is supposed to be good for you, but I'm skeptical lol. (JK). I still haven’t had luck finding a job, but I’m feeling hopeful about the last one I interviewed for. Fingers crossed. I’ve been busy with other projects this year, so my game has been on the backburner until recently. I’ve been doing a lot of planning and storyboarding! I really want to meet my goal of finishing the VN as soon as possible because I have a million game dev ideas. I’ve been playing some retro games lately, and I find the most inspiration thinking about how I would improve them if I was the game designer. The other day, I wrote about my experience with Princess Debut (2008) in my gamelog. I had given up on casual emulation on iOS, but Delta emulator has defied all of my expectations. I’m still planning on hacking my 3DS soon, though. I find that most DS games are actually better on the original hardware. I think this speaks volumes to how unique the DS is. So many designers made effective use of both the dualscreen and touch screen. It's hard to 'emulate'—literally and figuratively—the experience accurately on other devices like a smart phone. Anyway, that’s all for today! I have a corkboard full of blog ideas that I’ve wanted to write for awhile but just haven’t due to the anxiety demons tormenting me. Thanks for reading
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